English · Football

Football v.s. sex

Would I rather watch football than have sex? Is football more important to me, and a lot of other people, than sex? You can have sex any time of the day, any time of the year, but there’s no chance you’ll watch great football other than once in a while, and you never know which game will be a blast or a disaster. You do however know approximately how sex will turn out. You’ve been there before. There’s a somewhat non existing chance you’ll be surprised in a way that beats football, even disappointing football. You never know what can happen during a football-match. That’s some of the excitement about the game; it’s a lot more than just a game. On the other hand; sex can also be a game that’s absofuckinglutly more than just a game.

I made sure to reserve a table at my favourite bar to watch the match between England and the Czech Republic last wednesday night. That was a complete waste of time and money. I left half way through the match because those two teams were so equally good, or perhaps they were equally bad, that there were no chance in that hellish bore that either would score more than the first goal Raheem Shaquille Sterling made 11,32 minuts in the game. I left the bar 36 minuts later. Those were the longest 36 minuts of this championship so far, but would I prefer bad sex instead? Is bad sex better than bad football? Or is bad sex just as insulting to a woman as bad football is?

The day before produced football of the kind that’s better than any orgasme; Denmark – Russia 4-1. I wouldn’t missed that for the world. Neither could any sexual thing get me so spontanously exited as the match between Portugal and France the day after the exquisit bore of a game which I would like to forget. I’m not sure if that’s related to my age or gender, but I’m the kind of woman that screams at the tv-screen and tell men to shut the fuck up when I’m watching football, and no man could seduce me infront of nor during such a match. (I need to add that this behaviour’s very much alike how I act in bed). All I think of is the game. (Again; I need to say I don’t play games when it comes to getting laid!) The thing is that sex is predictable and just sex. You never know what football will be, but one thing’s for sure:

NOBODY WATCHES A RERUN OF A GAME! EVER!

And there are rules to what football players can have or not have of sex during a championship. Some says it’s good for the game, others that sex make lazy and distracted players (of football), and then again some says sex is irrelevant to the performance of football, or any sport what so ever. According to NBC Miguel Herrera, the coach of the Mexican team in 2014 said that if the players (of football) are not able to abstain from sex in 20 days, they’re not professional. They were supposed to participate in a world cup, not a party. There were several coaches with the same opinion about sex, whom also said that self-abuse, as some people believe masturbating is, was all the intemperance that was accepted. I believe that the question to fuck or not to fuck, is more a challenge of how to diciplin or not to diciplin the players (of football) during a cup.

The Danish team had sex with their wives and girlfriends during the European Championship in 1992, and they won. However: they had sex before and after a match. They didn’t put a match on hold to have sex, so no matter what’s best of bad sex or bad football, good sex and exeptional football, one thing’s for sure:

SEX CAN WAIT, FOOTBALL CAN NOT!

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