Singledom

It has come to my attention that my marital status is annoying to a lot of people. Every now and then, also by someone who surprises me just as much as my singledom is a problem to them, I’m being victimized with there “concerns” for my happiness, preferably in full plenary whilst their blood alcohol level is well above a stage where they can’t legally continue to drink without the establishment we’re at, is risking to loose their liquor licence. And while I’m being mind raped by these “friendly”, patriarchal drunks, who won’t shut their faces, it occurs to me that this is something that have troubled them for some time, but there must be quite an amount of alcohol in the picture for them to put words to their feelings around the thought of me not being hinged to someone, man (nor woman).

It’s like they know very well that this is none of their fucking business, but at the same time they feel that me being happy just by myself, is so damn unacceptable that it needs to be discussed among several, unregardedly if I’m up for it, or not, which I am most of the time; not up for it. In fact, I wonder why all these people are in their relationships. Most of them aren’t particularly happy. They’re staying together out of habit, a bad habit, or they can’t afford to split up. They can’t maintain their status and lifestyle financially on their own. So they find an excuse to try to beat me up verbally now and then to comfort themselves out of jealousy of me being content on my own, especially if they just had a fight, one out of many, with their spous. They can’t tolerate my fulfilment as a loner because they’re unsatisfied themselves, so they, to me obviously, have an urge to ruin my day aswell by critizising my singlehood. To all of them I’ll say: “You’re fucking welcome! Let me have the pleasure of being your punchingball for some minutes. It’s an honour! Really!”

And on this day out of all those days during a year where loneliness is up for debate, I’ll admit that I did cry once on a new years eve because I was unwanted and actually felt lonely. The year of 1999. There you go! I felt lonely once on new years eve. But I never thought that was a reason for being in a relationship which in I am unhappy. There is a reason why I’ve lived alone since 2001. It’s because I’m perfectly fine with it! Actually it’s quite a luxury for a woman to live alone. I have, amongst a lot of unnecessary stuff, an entire bathroom all to myself, and the only mess that’s pulling my leg, is my own. I don’t have to quarrel with anyone about anything, and I spend my money exactly as I please. But the most liberating about being a woman living alone is the fact that I CAN live alone. I’m not dependent on anyone but myself to come by. THAT is indeed a richness and freedom I wish the opportunity of for every woman, (and man), in the world. And with that I wish all of you, my dear friends and stalkers, a very happy new year!